About Me Peril

Maybe it’s time to deactivate my Facebook account

Some humiliations never die.

When I was 13 years old, I made an utter tit of myself over a girl. Actually, I did that about a dozen times over the course of my teenage years. But one, in particular, was particularly cringeworthy ((as an aside, I’m thinking that one of these days I should write a top 5 embarrassing crushes blog post, in the style of *High Fidelity*)). I declared my undying love for a tall blonde girl, wrote her letters, the most hideously gloopy kind of shit. The tragic thing was that she wasn’t the kind of girl who appreciates romance and perseverance and all that, so I really was casting my pearls before swine. She wanted an in-crowd kind of guy, ideally one who was more than 10 years older than her. What was I thinking?

Eventually I woke up and realised that she was a phenomenally unremarkable girl, and that I was actually lucky that she’d deflected my advances for so long. And like that, it was all over. I was civil to her when I saw her around school, but that was it.

Nine minutes ago, I received a Facebook invitation from her. I don’t use Facebook any more, but I have subscribed to the RSS feed of my contacts’ status updates, and I still receive emails when people send me a friend invitation (though I don’t bother acting on them). In her invitation, she made a reference to one of the things that I wrote in one of my love letters. I’m not going to repeat it here, because this is my site, and you can’t make me incriminate myself.

Here’s a brief rundown of all the thoughts barrelling through my head.

* Oh god, she remembers me writing that.
* On the upside, she still remembers me writing that. Must have meant a lot to her.
* Or she’s taking the piss
* She could be taking the piss
* If we assume that, then this train of thought comes to a dead end. Let’s try something else. Let’s assume that she’s not taking the piss, and see where that takes us.
* Maybe those letters really meant a lot to her. Maybe they brightened up a miserable, superficial existence that she secretly despised.
* Maybe they gave her a genuine boost to her self-esteem.
* Maybe her life went downhill once I lost interest in her.
* Oh good, another name to add to the trail of devastation.
* I think she’s probably just taking the piss.
* Thanks for reminding me of all that. Thanks a bunch.



Have you ever read the plot synopsis to a horror movie and thought to yourself “that sounds like possibly the most disturbing thing imaginable?”

And do you then find yourself wondering whether to watch the movie or not? On the one hand, a part of you wants to watch the movie, because that kind of terror can be quite exhilarating, in a way. You want to test yourself, not to see how much of a man you are, but to see how capable you are of understanding that it’s all make-believe. But then the rational part of your brain says “Hold on, once you’ve watched that film, you’re going to have a hard time thrashing the image out of your brain. Heck, it’s making you feel queasy just imagining it in your mind’s eye. Surely this is a no-brainer?”

What would you do?

About Me Peril

Boo! Waaargh!

Today’s “Basic Instructions” is entitled How To Deal With Trick Or Treaters. Panel three says:

> Don’t try to scare trick-or-treaters. You’ll either traumatise a child, or be made fun of by a child.

Boy, I wish I’d had that advice last year.

Parenting Peril

A horror story

This story is disgusting and should only be read by those who have nerves of steel.



Best Doctor Who episode ever. I was so scared.

But what happens if the light in the basement goes out?

Meander Peril

Be glad that it wasn’t an earwig

A Shield bug flew into my dad’s ear today. At first he tried to broggle it out with his little finger, but upon examining it myself I told him that the thing was trying to get out, so he should just let it. Lo and behold, the shield bug found its own way out and plopped down onto the pavement, where we could examine it further.

However, there’s a reason why shield bugs are also known as “stink bugs”. When discombobulated, they release foul-smelling aldehydes from glands in their thorax. In this case, my dad was left with a fierce-smelling left ear.

Good times, good times.

Peril Politics

Clearing Something Up

Let’s start with a hypothetical person, called George. George is hypothetical. George says “[Waterboarding][] is not torture.”


George is entitled to his opinion, but he’s wrong.

Let’s create a hypothetical situation for our hypothetical George to be in. Let’s say that George, through some ugly string of coincidences, finds himself captured by some very bad people, *”strapped to a board and tipped back or lowered into a body of water until he believed that drowning was imminent”* ((quote taken from the Wikipedia article linked above. Not that Wikipedia is necessarily the authority on such things, but I don’t think that anyone can argue with that definition.))

When George is eventually released, what do you think that his opinion on waterboarding will be now? Will he still think that it is not torture?

That was a hypothetical question, but feel free to answer it anyway. Comments validate me.



What the… did the Government quietly reclassify [Kahlua][] as a Class A drug while I wasn’t looking? Nobody seems to be selling Kahlua! I’ve tried various supermarkets, I’ve tried various off-licenses, and none of them sell it. In fact, most of the time when I go into an “offy” and ask for Kahlua, the chap on the other side of the counter shows no signs of even recognising the name!


I’m starting to panic. This is all horribly, horribly wrong.

Peril Photos



There’s a storm coming.

Parenting Peril

First Terrifying Nappy Change Tale

For those of you who aren’t interested in such anecdotes, I’ve done you the favour of leaving it after the jump.