Sob of Despair: Contemporary Combat 3

CC3 is the most accurate warfare simulation video game yet!

Before playing the game, gamers are prompted to sign in with their twitter, facebook, myspace, yahoo accounts and more. Gamers are able to enter in more than one entry for each, allowing them to encapsulate all of their online identities.

CC3 has one additional twist – when you die in-game, instead of restarting at the beginning of the mission, the game self-destructs but not before it sends a “lock” message to all of your social networking accounts, preventing you from logging in ever again, effectively freezing them in time for ever more. This makes it the most accurate warfare simulation ever!

A badly-written note will also be sent to your mother.

3 replies on “Sob of Despair: Contemporary Combat 3”

Next week: Marioski Brothers. Polish plumbers become a microcosm of the problems ailing British society as perceived by the Daily Mail whilst also causing a right-wing resurgence in France. The object of the game is to rescue the princess (who hails from Newcastle and wears very little clothing whilst queuing in the rain for a night out clubbing), collecting coins and power ups on the way and sending them back to the family in Posnan.

Followed soon afterwards by; Impressive Stolen Car: Essex. The tricked out Citroen C4 you were convinced was worth stealing with the custom body kit and neon underlighting is too easy to spot from the air. Units are converging on your location in the carpark of Tescos and you’ve tried everything; donuts, handbreak turns, even kerb wheelies. You cycle through your inventory and still only have a stanley knife and a starter pistol filled with blanks. Will your wanted level get higher than 2 stars?

And how can we forget: Tonic the Hedgehog. A hedgehog shuffles across the patio, leaving a trail of blue paint from where local rapscallions have redecorated his spines. He discovers a delicious slug. He eats it. He settles down in a pile of sticks where it is warm and cosy. He is burned alive.

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