About Me

Advice from a friend

I asked this question:

Do you periodically find yourself being haunted by memories of embarrassing things from years past? Even if you know that you are never again going to meet the other parties in question, you still find yourself biting your fist and disbelieving how you could be so stupid?

Well, I do. Most of them don’t bother me that much, but there’s one that still worries me to this day, possibly because it only happened a couple of years ago. I’m wondering whether I should go out seeking closure, or if it will just makes things worse, and I am better off just getting on with my life until one day it doesn’t bother me because it happened five or ten years ago. What do you think?

Friend says:

We-ell, it depends on how serious a faux pas it was? I often find myself thinking back to things I’ve done that make me feel queasy with embarrassment but swiftly put it down to experience, safe in the knowledge that it’s all helped to shape me into the thoroughly nice bloke I am today.

I can’t believe for a second that the man who ran through the sprinklers in the park in just his pants finds anything embarrassing anymore.

*chuckles to himself inanely*

*for some time…*

Well done, sir.


Insurance Salesman

I just had an unsolicited call to my mobile. Some guy trying to sell handset insurance. He said: “I understand that you pay £7.99 per month for insurance?”

I said: “No, I cancelled it.”

He said: “Ah, well, I’d like to make you a better offer?”

“Better than £0 per month?” I said.

“Haha, ” he said, “Yes, that would be a good offer, wouldn’t it?”

“Yes, ” I said. “Yes, it would.”

“Anyway, ” he said, “I shall tell you of my offer.”

“Seriously, is it a better offer than my current deal?” I asked. “Because if it is, then I’m all ears.”

He paused, and then thanked me for my time.



I shot a little badger,
With a long elastic band,
I spied it with my little eye,
And aimed with my right hand.

The badger took off, like a shot,
Raced along the grass,
And all because I shot it,
In it’s furry little ass.



I found some little fairies,
On my lawn the other day,
But when I tried to talk to them,
They all just flew away.

So I took a pot of glue,
And made a sticky pool,
So now I am much happier,
Cos my garden’s always full.