Don’t worry, I’m not really addicted

> A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, “How do I know you won’t sting me?” The scorpion says, “Because if I do, I will die too.”

> The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp “Why?”

> Replies the scorpion: “It’s my nature…”

INames have been changed currently have a bag of chocolate in my desk drawer – specifically, [Minstrels][]. I feel very bad about this, because by the time I have finished this bag I will have eaten 30g of saturated fats and a whole host more crap besides.

I purchased the bag in a moment of weakness, and now they sit here: taunting me, asserting their power over me. Clearly it is in my nature to purchase chocolate, but my better judgement tells me that I should refrain. I don’t want to be beholden to these seemingly innocuous little chaps, but yet I find that they call me, and I answer to their beckoning. If I could fight them, then I know that I would be a better person.

But it is in my nature.


**UPDATE:** I’ve eaten two [creme eggs][] and a [kitkat chunky][] today. Does that make me a bad person? Well, obviously the kitkat does, because it’s a Nestle product, but my question was intended to come from a chocolate perspective.

[creme eggs]:
[kitkat chunky]:


7 replies on “Don’t worry, I’m not really addicted”

That would certainly get rid of this bag of chocolates, but within a few days I’d just go out and buy another. So it doesn’t really help my situation in the long term.

Well I guess the longer-term fix is either…

a) Superglue your mouth shut, so you can’t appreciate the chocolate any more
b) Chop your hands off, so you 1) can’t pick up packs of chocolate, and 2) can’t get your wallet out in order to buy chocolate.
c) Cut your tongue out , for similar reasons to a)
d) Use willpower
e) Stop worrying/thinking about things like this. Go with the flow, and appreciate your own nature!

This is exactly the debate I was intending to open up – between your options d and e. I suppose it’s true that worrying about the issue could cause more damage than the issue itself. Very insightful.

Any other contributions from anyone?

Well, I’d probably save willpower for important stuff, and just have some choc when I felt I wanted it.

Unless you feel you want some choc every couple of hours. In which case it might as well be an addiction.

f) Some form of aversion therapy. Every time you feel like chocolate, bite on a live mains cable instead. Alternatively, open the bag, squirt washing-up liquid liberally all over the contents, then eat, savouring that lemon-fresh soapy tang. Or imagine Edwina Currie gently feeding them to you with one hand, whilst she plays tenderly with your earlobe with the other [replace with your own sufficiently disturbing soft-core image as necessary].

My current approach to chocolate is based on plain chocolate digestive biscuits. All the chocolatey goodness, plus some wholesome dietary fibre too.

I’m currently adopting a “you know this will all end in tears” approach, whereby I convince myself that it’s not worth the self-flagellation later. It seems to be working.

I’m also finding that the act of confession on this here website is doing wonders. I no longer feel like I’m alone in my woes.

Thanks for the support, guys.

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