In order to avoid an embarrassment similar to yesterday, I was ultra-special-uber-careful to have a nice clean, smooth shave this morning.

Feeling invincible on my way out, I leant into the bathroom to wish the chick a good day, where I found her brushing her teeth. Some toothpaste was dribbling seductively out of her mouth, so I picked a bit up on my finger and licked it sexily with my poutiest eyes.

My first thought was “Hmmmm. Toothpaste manufacturers seem to be bucking the trend of loading their wares up with oodles of mint, as this one doesn’t taste very minty at all.”

Thought two was “Actually, there’s not even a hint of mint.”

My third thought, the one entitled “This isn’t toothpaste at all, is it?” was duly externalised through my mouth.

She shook her head, rubbed in the rest of her moisturising cream, and continued to brush her teeth.

Halfway up the street I barfed all over a toad ((not really)).

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