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*This is a companion piece to a similarly-themed article on Karen’s site which, all things being equal, should be published at roughly the same time.* One of the problems with disco music is that there tend to be about 8,000 different versions and remixes of each song, so it’s hard to get hold of the […]
Maisy has spent most of the afternoon rolling around on the floor, sticking her arse in the air and making peculiar growling noises. This is the feline equivalent of standing in the middle of the shopping centre shouting “what does a girl have to do to get some DICK round here?” So, yeah, it looks […]
At five to six last night, while Karen, Bernard and I were having dinner (well, technically Karen and I were looking at our empty plates while Bernard very slowly polished off his chilli con carne) I sat up straight and clicked my fingers. *Darn it, I forgot to go out for my bike ride this […]
> Parents in England may be warned if their children are found to be overweight, under government proposals. There used to be a (admittedly somewhat flawed) system in place for dealing with childhood obesity. It was called “peer pressure”. But that was deemed to be too cruel, so it was outlawed, and surprise surprise, kids […]
What filing system do you use for storing digital photos? My current system is basically date-based (so I’d have a subdirectory called something like “2007-08-21 Photos of my arse”) which makes it quite easy to find what I’m looking for. However, I then keep photos of Bernard in a separate subdirectory entirely, with a subdirectory […]
This story is disgusting and should only be read by those who have nerves of steel.
I have been failing to document Bernard’s development. On the one hand, this doesn’t matter too much, as I have both (a) an in-depth photographic log and (b) Karen’s publications. But on the other hand, there are some things that get missed out, so I’m going to try to resolve that now. If you think […]
The first thing that I saw this morning, upon leaving the house, was a small white French hatchback embedded in a gate, with considerable damage to the front bumper, and two guys tugging furiously to try and free it. The arse end of the car was poking into the street, so naturally traffic flow was […]
Nobody told me about the hallucinations. Well, hallucination is probably a strong word. As a direct (and indirect) result of being in my first few weeks of fatherhood, I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night with a baby in my arms. Only, it’s not. I’m actually holding a pillow, I just believe […]
*Ewan The Shark is currently on holiday in Peru, so he has given me precise instructions on how to create a fruit crumble.* Hi guys. I’m here today to teach you to make a fruit crumble. First, kidnap its mother. **Only kidding!** First, preheat your oven to 180°C. Yes, that’s right – for the first […]