Ewan Food Guidance

Crumble With Ewan

*Ewan The Shark is currently on holiday in Peru, so he has given me precise instructions on how to create a fruit crumble.*

Hi guys. I’m here today to teach you to make a fruit crumble. First, kidnap its mother.

**Only kidding!**

First, preheat your oven to 180°C. Yes, that’s right – for the first time ever on CWE, we are actually going to use the oven, or as I sometimes like to call it, a hotness box.

We’re going to use an **old metal takeaway container** to cook this guy, so the quantities of ingredients are calculated using that size dish as a basis.

Watch as my assistant pours about **100g of plain flour** into a bowl.


…followed by about **40g of butter**. The butter should be at room temperature – any cooler than this, and you’ll have a hell of a time mixing it all together.


Use your hands to blend this all together. Experiment with your own particular technique, but be prepared that your fins will be all buttery and doughy by the end of this step. Wash them before and after. You are aiming for something that looks like this:


You’ll now want to add some **sugar**. The weight of sugar that you use should be between 75% and 100% of the weight of butter, depending upon your personal taste.


Mix it in thoroughly and set the bowl to one side. Now, slice your **fruit** reasonably thinly and shove it into your takeaway container. My assistant here is using about two pears and two plums (a little less because they are over-ripe and some bits needed slicing off).



Pour the crumble on top of the fruit, using a spoon to make sure that you get it into all the corners and cracks. Make sure that all the fruit is well covered, otherwise you’ll end up with gooey eruptions. And let me tell you, there’s a time and a place for gooey eruptions, but **here and now is not it!**


Put it in your now-hot hotness box. Somewhere between 30 and 45 minutes (yes, that means that you need to check up on it periodically) you’ll end up with this nicely-browned result.


*Disclaimer: contains hot fruit. If you take this out of the oven and immediately stuff it in your mouth/eye/arse/armpit/nose, then we are not liable for any damage that may occur.*

*Incidentally, here’s a photo that Ewan sent back from Machu Picchu. This was not created by superimposing a previous photo of Ewan onto a photo found via Google Image Search. Oh no.*


8 replies on “Crumble With Ewan”

Looks really simple and tasty. I must try that some time.

Although, I’m a bit suspicious that Ewan is in Peru. I would take Ewan for more of a beach than mountain holiday. I’m not entirely sure their isn’t an insidious conspiracy going on here.

Simple, definitely. Tasty – depends upon what fruit you use. My three favourites are apple+cinnamon, rhubarb, and strawberry.

Ewan has done the beach holiday so many times, he was looking for something a little different. No conspiracy whatsoever.

Blimey, Ewan is taking his life into his own hands!!! Doesn’t he realise that the reason you never find any sharks in the Peruvian mountains is because the natives ATE them all!!


Poor Ewan.

I’ll miss him.

Hmmmm…that looks delicious. Must buy a scale. We Americans don’t use them. It’s on our kitchen gadget list though.

Perhaps Ewan was looking to travel through time or find an alternate universe up there in Machu Picchu?

If he wanted to travel through time or find an alternative universe, then he would have just used the singularity that I keep in my bathroom for such occasions.

No, he was definitely there on pleasure rather than business. Or possibly searching for new and interesting recipes.

There should be a competetion, I think. Ewan vs. Alien Grey. They should use one common ingredient (ie salmon, beef steak, strawberries) to make one dish. Voting or judges? I’m sure Dan feels up to the task.

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