*Ewan The Shark is currently on holiday in Peru, so he has given me precise instructions on how to create a fruit crumble.*
Hi guys. I’m here today to teach you to make a fruit crumble. First, kidnap its mother.
First, preheat your oven to 180°C. Yes, that’s right – for the first time ever on CWE, we are actually going to use the oven, or as I sometimes like to call it, a hotness box.
We’re going to use an **old metal takeaway container** to cook this guy, so the quantities of ingredients are calculated using that size dish as a basis.
Watch as my assistant pours about **100g of plain flour** into a bowl.
…followed by about **40g of butter**. The butter should be at room temperature – any cooler than this, and you’ll have a hell of a time mixing it all together.
Use your hands to blend this all together. Experiment with your own particular technique, but be prepared that your fins will be all buttery and doughy by the end of this step. Wash them before and after. You are aiming for something that looks like this:
You’ll now want to add some **sugar**. The weight of sugar that you use should be between 75% and 100% of the weight of butter, depending upon your personal taste.
Mix it in thoroughly and set the bowl to one side. Now, slice your **fruit** reasonably thinly and shove it into your takeaway container. My assistant here is using about two pears and two plums (a little less because they are over-ripe and some bits needed slicing off).
Pour the crumble on top of the fruit, using a spoon to make sure that you get it into all the corners and cracks. Make sure that all the fruit is well covered, otherwise you’ll end up with gooey eruptions. And let me tell you, there’s a time and a place for gooey eruptions, but **here and now is not it!**
Put it in your now-hot hotness box. Somewhere between 30 and 45 minutes (yes, that means that you need to check up on it periodically) you’ll end up with this nicely-browned result.
*Disclaimer: contains hot fruit. If you take this out of the oven and immediately stuff it in your mouth/eye/arse/armpit/nose, then we are not liable for any damage that may occur.*
*Incidentally, here’s a photo that Ewan sent back from Machu Picchu. This was not created by superimposing a previous photo of Ewan onto a photo found via Google Image Search. Oh no.*