Category: Guidance

Inspiration is like a cat. It does not come to you when you call it. If you believe that you are its master for one minute, then you are mistaken. Looking for inspiration is a follicle exercise.

In my experience, there are a few obvious mistakes that should be avoided.

If you are looking for inspiration, you should not go to the works of those who inspire you. Crazy as it seems, this will not work. Under these circumstances, all you will end up with is a pale imitation of someone else’s genius.

This has happened to me on numerous occasions, when I have written songs as a direct response to another song that I have heard. Sometimes you will forget about the original source, and things will work out fine, as your crappy imitation becomes, in the long term, what you perceive as the de facto original. More likely, however, and I speak from experience, is that for the rest of your life you will be unable to sever the connection between the original art and your shoddy ripoff, and it will remain always as no more than an embarrassment.

In my opinion, the state towards which we strive should be one of not resembling our influences. If someone asks you who your musical influences are, and you say Coldplay, and your music sounds like Coldplay, then you might as well be a Coldplay covers band – at least it would be honest. I’ve always felt that the whole “musical influences” question is a dumb one anyway. On a personal note, one of my band’s songs was once described as “The Muppet Show meets Jamiroquai” so I’ve adopted this as my standard response *(to the “musical influences” question)*, even though it is completely unsuitable for the majority of our songs.

We *(by which I mean You)* sometimes make the mistake of assuming that big inspiration can only be contained within big things. Inspiration, like a modern sleeping bag, can be compressed down into an impressively small space. Next time you seek inspiration, try looking around you at small objects – about the size of a testicle – and see what pops out of them.

At the point at which you are so desperate for inspiration that you’ve come to a blogger for advice, I’d say that you’re not in a mental state that is conducive to the task. You have to bear in mind that there are two states, the “thinking” and the “doing”, and I’d bet tuppence that you’re in the “doing” state at the moment. Admit it.

Now that you’ve admitted it, here’s what you should do. Find a rucksack. Into it, put the following items:

* Pen
* Paper
* Pork pie
* Torch *(in case you find yourself staying out late)*
* Keys
* Mobile phone *(but turn it off – it’s only for emergencies)*
* Camera
* Beer money
* Binoculars

Put on suitable clothing, and go out for a walk. City or forest, it doesn’t matter. The brain has a valve which prevents it from digesting information at the same time as creating it. In 15 minutes, your mind will get accustomed to the fact that you’re not force-feeding it self-righteous bollocks written by a blogger with absolutely no relevant qualifications whatsoever, and it will switch from “doing” mode to “thinking” mode, or, if you prefer, from “suck” mode to “blow” mode.

Because, let’s be honest, right now, you suck.

To gain the upper hand in a game of squash, let go of a really good fart in one corner of the court. Then, try to hit the ball so that it lands in that corner. Your opponent will be unable to get close enough to the ball to return it.

*Originally posted here*

Another important distinguishing feature of owls is their ability to fly. If I am also going to be able to fly, then the obvious method is to obtain some wings and some feathers, and attach them to my body. However, I suspect that this will be a little difficult, so I am going to explore an alternative method.

What if there was a limited version of flying, available to humans without any additional modifications or training required? Though not as flexible as the method which owls use, it does at least allow you to fly in one direction pretty quickly.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: falling.

I’ve been practicing this quite a bit. I’m getting rather good at it. Though these funny marks are appearing on my head and I seem to be losing control of the right hand sde f bd

*Originally posted here*

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