Where you have a choice of toilet cubicles to enter, it would be handy if there was a LED-based panel on each door to let you know what kind of fragrance exists within.

For example, a green panel would indicate that the air inside is neutral, breathable, and basically bearable. If any green panels are visible, then go for one of those.

A yellow panel would indicate that the previous occupant’s aura still exists within this room, and it’s a rather eggy aura.

Blue would be used to indicate that the air inside is somewhat chemical. This could either be due to the previous occupant’s liberal use of air freshener, or the cleaning lady’s liberal use of terrifyingly-coloured cleaning products.

If the panel is displaying a brown colour, this means that the system’s chemical analysis has determined that there is a very high probability that the bowl contains a floater.

A red panel indicates that using this room or cubicle will be a highly unpleasant experience. It is not recommended that you enter this room, unless your only alternatives are…

Certain death.

7 replies on “Odourometer”

Green: pub contains many single nubile and highly skilled young women who appreciate shy yet highly successful Sut’ Afrikans
Orange: pub contains some women
Red: pub is full of rugby-watching Englishmen with accute paranoia about their pints

…I imagine Adrian means.

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