Dear Donkey – Foiled!

>Dear Donkey,

> Remember how the girl behind the counter in Specsavers flirted with me? Well, I was really looking forward to returning there, so that she could flirt with me a little more. What happens? Well, my girlfriend goes and picks up my contact lenses for me, that’s what!

> I need your help, and I need it fast. I need a good excuse why I can go back to Specsavers periodically.

> Anon

Donkey says:

Ahohohoh! NOW we’re getting into my favourite territory.

There are a couple of options here. One superb choice would be to sneak round to Specsavers, and if the girl in question is on duty, pop inside. Look at some frames, maybe try a couple on. For this exercise, it is best if you have your contact lenses in, otherwise the next step will be very difficult.

Wait for her to look over your way. When she does, shout OI! at her, or something equally sophisticated. Tell her that you need help choosing some frames, and ask her which pair make you look the most drop-dead gorgeous and fuckable.

You probably don’t need me to tell you where to go from there. Such a phrase is like a sprinkling of paraffin on the flames of flirt. Bask, enjoy, and most of all, enjoy.

Another option is to mix up some salt solution and squirt it into your eye. This will make your eye go all red and gross and sore, which enables you to enter the opticians and bathe in the glow of her sympathy and love. The downside of this is that you’ll rapidly be rushed through to the consulting room, when I’m sure you want to spend more time stood at the counter with Flirtella herself, and you probably also don’t want to have salt in your eye preventing you from gazing adoringly down her top.

These are all fantastic ideas. We can tell, because I came up with them.