This may sound hideously inappropriate, but Bernard loves to watch me play GTA:San Andreas. People who haven’t actually played the game will probably be considering calling social services on me right now, but anyone who has actually played it will appreciate that it’s possible to show your child the delights of the exquisitely-crafted San Andreas archipelago without exposing them to any malign influences. I’ve long since finished the storyline missions, so we just commandeer vehicles and drive them around the place.
Bernard’s favourite bit is the bridges. He likes it when I jump in a boat ((we usually pick up the Jetmax from just south of Rockshore West in Las Venturas, or west of City Hall in San Fierro)) and drive it under bridges. “More bridges! More bridges!” he cries. He also likes it when I get in a plane and fly it underneath bridges. “More bridges! More bridges!” I turn around and fly under them again.
It got me thinking – what would need to go into a GTA:San Andreas mod to turn it into an exploration-centric game, suitable for all ages?
1. Remove all weapons and combat from the game. Obviously. Gangs and police can stay, but they’d need to be much more amiable.
2. Make the strip clubs unenterable.
3. Don’t allow the player to steal an occupied car. They should only be able to enter a parked car. There would need to be a few more parked cars dotted around the map, to compensate. I’d also propose the standard blue arrow above any enterable vehicles, to distinguish them.
4. When you crash into someone else’s car, they should express their displeasure in a slightly more sophisticated fashion. All NPC dialogue would need to be checked.
5. Get rid of almost all of the storyline missions. Most of the side-missions can stay (notable exception being “Pimping”, of course). There should be a new storyline, containing missions that involve things like “get the cuddly rabbit to the little boy before his train departs”.
6. Prostitutes and drug dealers should no longer proposition you.
7. Pedestrians jump out of the way before you drive into them (a la *Driver*).
Anything that you think I might have missed?