Month: October 2007

Categories
Holiday Photos

Center Parcs

*Center Parcs* is how the French say “Centre Parks.” Those crazy French.

Sun through the trees

In a nutshell, it’s like a middle class Butlins. I think so, anyway. It’s a long time since I’ve been to a Butlins, so my opinion is formed on the basis of bad British sitcoms and disjointed memories from my childhood.

The majority of the site comprises villas and apartment blocks in neat rows, joined up by narrow one-way roads which are usually devoid of motor vehicles. The buildings are of a regular and simple design, and blend in with the surrounding forest reasonably well.

The second most common usage of land is for cycle parks. Cycling is very much a “thing” at Center Parcs. It’s like the pigeons in Trafalgar Square, or comments on a blog, or the bad music that “kids today” listen to. By which I mean, it’s not obligatory, but an alien visitor to our planet would, on the basis of their observations, think that it is.

There’s loads of activities on offer, but when you have a clingy 1-year old in tow, it’s hard to find the time. For the most part, we spent our weekend swimming, cycling round, and loitering in play areas.

Descending a slide behind Bernard

Three nights felt like a very suitable amount of time to stay for. Friends of ours who have gone for a whole week said that it was too long, and we can see how that would be the case.

I built the best sandcastle in the world, but it did not last long

We failed to get served at “Country Pancakes”. We waited at the “Please wait here to be seated” sign for ages, but no-one turned up, so we walked out and went somewhere else. For the rest of the weekend, every time I walked past a sign to “Country Pancakes”, I mentally dropped the ‘O’ and ‘R’ and then sang it to myself like a mantra.

Getting a dinner reservation on a Saturday night was hard work. If you want to get a table at any of the desirable places, book in advance. I know that it seems counterintuitive to book before you’ve even scoped it out, but it’s a risk that has to be taken.

The ducks are very forward. If you leave your patio door open, they will come inside and liaise with your child. Just thought that I’d warn you.

Squirrel

Animals spotted over the weekend – ducks, squirrels and rabbits. So basically, nothing more exotic than I see cycling to work ((hoho, rabbits on bicycles in my mind’s eye)). No deer. No badgers. No snakes. That said, we did see a species of duck that we didn’t recognise (it was black with a white neck). We went into the much-publicised “Ranger’s Lodge” to see if they’d be able to help us, but we were severely disappointed. The “Ranger’s Lodge” didn’t actually contain a Ranger – just a display case containing samples of owl pellets and other such nonsense. There wasn’t even a poster of “Ducks What You Might See Here”. Bah.

Karen has written all about our stay too.

Categories
Displeasure Stunt 2007

What would you put in Room 101

*This is a companion piece to a similarly-themed article on Karen’s site which, all things being equal, should be published at roughly the same time. We have not read each others entries before publishing, and have taken care not to discuss them.*

*Title suggested by Ade.*

Corrupt Governments

I’m fucking sick of it. I’m sick of governments that surreptitiously act in the interests of their commercial sponsors, whilst feeding an endless stream of lies to the people whom they are supposed to be working for, laughing their socks off because they know that the majority of their citizens are too dumb, naive or optimistic to realise that they are being taken for a ride. I’m sick of wars on terrorists, wars on drugs, wars on monks. Where’s the fucking War on War?

The Entertainment Industry

At the point at which entertainment needed an industry to keep it alive, it ceased to be entertaining. The industry took over, and now it’s just like another form of drug peddling. Entertainment, true entertainment, is sitting on a sofa with a friend and two guitars. It’s throwing a ball with your kid. It’s watching drunk men stumble home. It’s riding a bike down a muddy hill, with the ever-present threat of falling off. It doesn’t need DRM, because it can’t be duplicated.

I understand the appeal of CDs and television, obviously. I’m not suggesting that we destroy it all, because there’s a place for it in a well-balanced diet. But I believe in moderation, and remembering how to make your own fun.

Slugs

Do not want.

Categories
About Me Holiday Stunt 2007

What I did on my holidays

*This is a companion piece to a similarly-themed article on Karen’s site which, all things being equal, should be published at roughly the same time. We have not read each others entries before publishing, and have taken care not to discuss them.*

*Title suggested by graybo.*

When I was a kid, I used to go on holiday with my family to places like the Yorkshire Dales and the Lake District and Cornwall. Sometimes we’d go further afield, like Scotland or North Wales or Brittany. I think once we went to Edam. On the whole, we liked to stay in England, and usually for only a week (we tried a few fortnight-long holidays, but agreed that a fortnight was too long for a holiday). Sometimes I would go camping with my mum. I have a story about that.

In my first couple of years at secondary school, there were school-run trips to France which I went on. We got up to all sorts of mischief, I’m sure you can imagine.

During my University years (and the period immediately after) I went on a few holidays with friends. Matthew and I went to Dublin and Amsterdam (not in the same trip, I hasten to add) and I also went to Skegness with half a dozen friends. This was back when I was an appalling, and irresponsible, driver, and I was one of the two designated drivers on the trip. I didn’t crash into anything, but I did have a couple of near misses, and I am ashamed.

After I met Karen, I went on holiday more often, and much further afield. We’ve been to Dublin, Prague ([1] [2]), Venice, Budapest and New York. We’ve also been on holiday in England, to the Yorkshire Dales and the Lake District.

Since Bernard was added to the family, we’ve been to Cornwall, and are soon to visit Center Parcs for the first time (I’ve borrowed a bike rack from Bob [1] [2]). Hopefully the three of us will visit plenty of fantastic places together.

At some point, I’d like to see Iceland and Scandinavia (perhaps as some sort of Northern Ocean cruise?) and various places in the Far East (inspired by a couple of friends). This all may have to wait for another 17 years, but then again, maybe not.

Categories
Food Parenting Photos Stunt 2007

Top 5 leisure activities

*This is a companion piece to a similarly-themed article on Karen’s site which, all things being equal, should be published at roughly the same time. We have not read each others entries before publishing, and have taken care not to discuss them.*

*Title suggested by Rach.*

Cycling

At long last, I have found an enjoyable way of getting regular exercise. Going to the gym is dull as dishwater. Karen and I used to play Squash, but haven’t done so since halfway through her pregnancy (though we are going on holiday at the end of the week, and have a Squash court booked). My fitness is returning, and it’s having a major positive impact upon my overall mood.

Taking photos

I wouldn’t consider myself to be a “photographer”, by any stretch of the imagination, but I have recently acquired my first DSLR (a Nikon D40) and am enjoying learning about shutter speeds, aperture, and all that guff.

Playing with Bernard

“Ball!”

“Baw!”

Followed by a bout of wrestling. It’s awesome.

Drinking beer

I like beer. Not in huge quantities, nor on my own in the evenings, but its deliciousness can not be denied.

Eating pie

I like pie. In huge quantities, and on my own in the evenings.

Categories
Stunt 2007

Perfect Day

*This is a companion piece to a similarly-themed article on Karen’s site which, all things being equal, should be published at roughly the same time. We have not read each others entries before publishing, and have taken care not to discuss them.*

*Title suggested by an unreliable witness.*

I don’t think that I’ve ever had a perfect day. I’ve had lots of very good ones. I’ve had many that have stuck in my memory, usually because someone did something that surprised me, and made me see them in a new light, and now whenever I think of that person, I always think of that day. I’ve had one or two that have been so magnificent that I have emerged from them as a different person. And every single day that I spend with Karen and Bernard is, in its own way, perfect.

My first attempt at writing this post consisted of an attempt to plan a perfect day. I wrote down all my favourite things in the world, squeezing them into a 24 hour window, with a few little placeholders for unexpected surprises (to add a bit of gravy). But the end result was disappointing. Most of it seemed so superficial and egocentric, and though I naturally wish for good things for myself, I don’t think that getting everything that I want would make the day perfect. I think that any attempt to define a perfect day would be futile, as it would be bounded by the limits of your own imagination.

On the whole, I’m pretty content. I’ve got everything that I want. My dad’s doing pretty well too. So, for me, a perfect day would be one where my mum and my sister both get the things that they need to make them happy. My sister knows what she wants, and she’s making progress in that direction, so I hope that some day soon she’ll conquer ((reader, I’m struggling to hold back the tears at the thought)). My mother is in touch with her emotions (though not necessarily in control of them) so she can articulate the things that she is missing, but she doesn’t know how to get them, and nor do I. But I try not to lose hope.

Categories
Parenting Stunt 2007

To have a second baby?

*This is a companion piece to a similarly-themed article on Karen’s site which, all things being equal, should be published at roughly the same time. We have not read each others entries before publishing, and have taken care not to discuss them.*

I haven’t done the sums, but I don’t think it would be inaccurate to say that the majority of our parenting peers ((by which I mean the people that we met at ante-natal classes etc)) are now expecting their second babies.

There’s clearly a pattern here – people who are planning to have n+1 babies (∀ n ≥ 1) will tend to aim for an age difference of no more than two years between their babies. I can see many good reasons to do this – it means that your children are of a similar age, so they can play together comfortably, and support each other through growing up. It means that you can dress the second child with the first one’s hand-me-downs, without having to store unused clothes for a prolonged period. It means that you won’t still be battling with teenagers in thirty years time.

Maybe it’s not even any of these excellent reasons. Maybe it’s much more emotionally driven – the desire to have another one of those cute little cuddly fluffy wuffly bufflewunnies perhaps. Or maybe mum enjoyed that six months off of work, and she wants to do that again.

Either way, it seems that answering the question “should I have a second child?” should be treated with a matter of some urgency – it’s not one of those questions like “should I defrost the freezer” which can safely be left unanswered for years and years.

There are lots of good reasons for having more than one child (for example, you need at least three people to start an awesome band, and also with two kids we’d be able to play 4-player Bomberman) and lots of oft-quoted but actually rather stupid reasons (for example, this mistaken belief that the only child is anti-social and crap at sharing, and the “what if something happens to one of them?” question). But the list of reasons for sticking with one is magnificent. Here it comes, bitches.

**It’s cheaper.** Having one child is cheaper (than two) right now, and will continue to be cheaper for the rest of my life. We can give Bernard a comfortable standard of living, and hopefully with all the money that we save, he won’t have to stump for my care when I’m old and decrepit.

**It’s less stressful.** Karen and I are coping pretty well with one child – if anything, our relationship is even stronger as a result of it. Maybe having a second child would make us even closer, but I don’t want to disturb this perfect equilibrium that we’ve found. Also, kids have a tendency to gang up on you. So, say one of them is whining because they want a sweet, or a cigarette, or a turn behind the wheel of your Vauxhall Astra. And you’re telling them no, but they keep nagging and whining. Well, what will happen then is that the kid in question will give their sibling a secret signal, upon which the sibling will create a distraction (for example, setting fire to the footstool). In the furore, you will crumble, and you will give the first kid what they wanted, just to shut them up, so you can deal with the new crisis. This is all real factual stuff, direct from my imagination.

**The social aspect.** The argument that children without siblings are socially disadvantaged has been shown to be false, providing that the child still gets plenty of contact with other children of his own age (as Bernard does). However, some studies have concluded that they relate better to adults, have higher self-esteem, are more self-reliant, have a wider vocabulary, and are more motivated. Maybe this is true, maybe it isn’t, but I can see the logic behind it, so my gut feeling is that there will be some truth in this. Of course, it’s going to be crucial to find the right balance, because I don’t want his self-esteem to be at the expense of enjoying his childhood, but I’m fairly confident that we can nail this one.

**The world.** The environmental impact of having an extra child is very significant. This planet is struggling to contain the people that are already on it, let alone loads more. Having a child has always been important to me, but having more than one strikes me as a bit greedy.

**Actual statistical analysis.** I performed an actual statistical analysis, with rigorous methods and all that shit. I concluded that there is an inverse correlation between the number of kids that a couple have, and their average IQ. In a separate study, I discovered that every single person in the world with more than two kids is a moody fucker (sample set: my co-workers).

**The house.** We have a lovely house. It’s perfect for three. If we were going to enlarge the family, we’d have to move house again, which I’m not going to do.

**Video games.** If we had a second child, and it was another boy, then when they get a bit older then they will always be playing 2-player games together, and there will be no room for me. This is an unacceptable risk.

**The plan.** Having one child has been the plan for a long time, and I see no compelling evidence to change it, so we shall proceed with the original plan, subject to periodic review, naturally.