I am a failure, and I can’t deny it any longer

All winter long, I yearned for summer. For all the usual reasons, but also because we’d just moved into a new house and I was looking forward to getting out there and spending lots of time tending our fantastic new garden.

Things didn’t exactly turn out as planned. I was doing okay for a little while, and I even did a bit of fence maintenance, but on the whole, things haven’t progressed perfectly smoothly. Let’s compare what I have and haven’t done, shall we?

Have done

* Dead-headed all the roses (mostly)
* Repaired a couple of fences
* Kept the place clear of Japanese Knotweed (mostly)
* Kept the paths clear of overhanging branches (mostly)

Haven’t done

* Replaced the rotten planks in the gazebo
* Severed the thick trunk of the wisteria that is currently prising my gazebo apart
* Kept the gravel free of weeds
* Kept the borders free of weeds
* Fixed the water feature
* Removed lots of dead branches ((there are lots of places where plants have been cut off at the base as a drastic pruning method, but the dead stems have not yet been removed. It is not a trivial task, as they are tangled up with the roses etc))
* Pruned the wisteria properly (should have done that in July)
* Replaced the rotten garden chair
* Disposed of an old fence post

In summary, my garden terrifies me. It is an oppressive force in my life which I try to forget about whenever possible.

The problem is that it used to be such a nice garden 12 months ago, before we moved in. I was really looking forward to maintaining it at the same level. But I have been unable to, and I have found myself in a downward spiral where my fear of “ruining” it has prevented me from being as assertive as I should have been. Plus, I’m also quite lazy, when all is said and done.

As I see it, I have a couple of options.

1. Hire someone to come in and do the work. A gardener, if you will.
2. Cut everything back down to ground level with a chainsaw and see what survives.
3. Napalm.
4. Combination of chainsaw and napalm, because they’re both awesome, and I can’t choose between them.

What are your thoughts? Graybo, you must be around here somewhere. Tell me what to do.

3 replies on “I am a failure, and I can’t deny it any longer”

I don’t even understand this ‘dead-heading’ of roses!? But I say (for what it’s worth) get a gardener in to sort it out for you, and while they’re there, milk them for advice and information, then you’ll have a less scary task ahead. Good luck dude!

In my own experience (which differs from yours because we inherited a mass of weeds and untended borders), it’s actually quite hard to kill a plant that doesn’t want to die. I’ve taken a corkscrew willow to the ground three times now, and the bugger is already back to 10feet and rising!

Have at it, if the worst comes to the worst you can re-plant.

In saying that, I am v.lazy in garden too, and we actually have someone who cuts the grass and does a little weeding.. that kind of thing bores me to tears.

I still don’t understand why you fret so much about this. You see an untidy weedy jungle, and I see an abundance of happy healthy flowers and foliage. I think our garden is awesome. We didn’t buy a place with a conventional garden and I’m sorry I’m not more helpful to you out there, but I think it’s doing just fine.

If you want we can make some changes, but I don’t think we really need do more than just get out there with the pruning shears.

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