In the last few weeks, we’ve started to exploit Bernard’s ability to understand the English language. For some time, he’s been able to respond to instructions such as “Go and get a book and bring it to me” or “Fetch your teddy from the other room.”
But now we’re advancing to the next level. My favourite is “Pick up your books and put them on the table.” Upon issuing this command, Bernard very happily wanders round the living room, picking up any books that are on the floor, and placing them in a relatively neat stack on the coffee table.
Karen’s favourite is “Can you bring me a bib?” Bernard will saunter over to the coffee table, open the drawer that contains bibs, grab one, and bring it over to the dining table.
I’m trying to think of other child-friendly chores that we can start issuing to him. Any ideas?
5 replies on “Sudo pick up your books and put them on the table”
I fear that "please make a cup of coffee, black with no sugar, and bring it to me along with a couple of Garibaldi biscuits" is somewhat beyond the capabilities of both Tom and Bernard.
Sadly, I think that you’re right. But I’m (not so) secretly pleased, because I quite enjoy the ritual of making coffee.
I’m in no way condoning this, but my neighbour got his son to get beers for him. We never really got ours to do anything more than tidying stuff away.
Make the most of this stage because soon you’ll be telling them to do something and they’ll be ignoring you (perhaps because you made them run around and pick books up when they were young and gullable).
Now, we have to pay them to set the table and stuff, but I’m still trying to decide if this is really a good thing …
How about using him to screen TV shows for dumb concepts that will only leave you disappointed if you invest any of your time in them?
“Bernard, watch these three seasons of Lost and let me know if I’m going to end up with that ol’ X-Files feeling from it where it becomes obvious that nobody behind the scenes has any idea how to resolve the plot in a satisfactory manner”
Failing that get a treadmill and a dynamo and use him as a renewable energy source
> I’m in no way condoning this, but my neighbour got his son to get beers for him.
My personal policy is to save the alcohol until after he’s gone to bed. Or if we go out for lunch. Anyway, why would I need Bernard to fetch beers for me, when I’ve got Karen?
> How about using him to screen TV shows for dumb concepts that will only leave you disappointed if you invest any of your time in them?
I have an Internet for that.
On that note, though, I am training him to use a computer. And as soon as he realises that my computer doesn’t have a touch-screen, I think that we’ll be able to make some serious progress.