To have a second baby?

*This is a companion piece to a similarly-themed article on Karen’s site which, all things being equal, should be published at roughly the same time. We have not read each others entries before publishing, and have taken care not to discuss them.*

I haven’t done the sums, but I don’t think it would be inaccurate to say that the majority of our parenting peers ((by which I mean the people that we met at ante-natal classes etc)) are now expecting their second babies.

There’s clearly a pattern here – people who are planning to have n+1 babies (∀ n ≥ 1) will tend to aim for an age difference of no more than two years between their babies. I can see many good reasons to do this – it means that your children are of a similar age, so they can play together comfortably, and support each other through growing up. It means that you can dress the second child with the first one’s hand-me-downs, without having to store unused clothes for a prolonged period. It means that you won’t still be battling with teenagers in thirty years time.

Maybe it’s not even any of these excellent reasons. Maybe it’s much more emotionally driven – the desire to have another one of those cute little cuddly fluffy wuffly bufflewunnies perhaps. Or maybe mum enjoyed that six months off of work, and she wants to do that again.

Either way, it seems that answering the question “should I have a second child?” should be treated with a matter of some urgency – it’s not one of those questions like “should I defrost the freezer” which can safely be left unanswered for years and years.

There are lots of good reasons for having more than one child (for example, you need at least three people to start an awesome band, and also with two kids we’d be able to play 4-player Bomberman) and lots of oft-quoted but actually rather stupid reasons (for example, this mistaken belief that the only child is anti-social and crap at sharing, and the “what if something happens to one of them?” question). But the list of reasons for sticking with one is magnificent. Here it comes, bitches.

**It’s cheaper.** Having one child is cheaper (than two) right now, and will continue to be cheaper for the rest of my life. We can give Bernard a comfortable standard of living, and hopefully with all the money that we save, he won’t have to stump for my care when I’m old and decrepit.

**It’s less stressful.** Karen and I are coping pretty well with one child – if anything, our relationship is even stronger as a result of it. Maybe having a second child would make us even closer, but I don’t want to disturb this perfect equilibrium that we’ve found. Also, kids have a tendency to gang up on you. So, say one of them is whining because they want a sweet, or a cigarette, or a turn behind the wheel of your Vauxhall Astra. And you’re telling them no, but they keep nagging and whining. Well, what will happen then is that the kid in question will give their sibling a secret signal, upon which the sibling will create a distraction (for example, setting fire to the footstool). In the furore, you will crumble, and you will give the first kid what they wanted, just to shut them up, so you can deal with the new crisis. This is all real factual stuff, direct from my imagination.

**The social aspect.** The argument that children without siblings are socially disadvantaged has been shown to be false, providing that the child still gets plenty of contact with other children of his own age (as Bernard does). However, some studies have concluded that they relate better to adults, have higher self-esteem, are more self-reliant, have a wider vocabulary, and are more motivated. Maybe this is true, maybe it isn’t, but I can see the logic behind it, so my gut feeling is that there will be some truth in this. Of course, it’s going to be crucial to find the right balance, because I don’t want his self-esteem to be at the expense of enjoying his childhood, but I’m fairly confident that we can nail this one.

**The world.** The environmental impact of having an extra child is very significant. This planet is struggling to contain the people that are already on it, let alone loads more. Having a child has always been important to me, but having more than one strikes me as a bit greedy.

**Actual statistical analysis.** I performed an actual statistical analysis, with rigorous methods and all that shit. I concluded that there is an inverse correlation between the number of kids that a couple have, and their average IQ. In a separate study, I discovered that every single person in the world with more than two kids is a moody fucker (sample set: my co-workers).

**The house.** We have a lovely house. It’s perfect for three. If we were going to enlarge the family, we’d have to move house again, which I’m not going to do.

**Video games.** If we had a second child, and it was another boy, then when they get a bit older then they will always be playing 2-player games together, and there will be no room for me. This is an unacceptable risk.

**The plan.** Having one child has been the plan for a long time, and I see no compelling evidence to change it, so we shall proceed with the original plan, subject to periodic review, naturally.