Nobody told me about the hallucinations.<\/p>\n
Well, hallucination is probably a strong word.<\/p>\n
As a direct (and indirect) result of being in my first few weeks of fatherhood, I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night with a baby in my arms. Only, it’s not. I’m actually holding a pillow, I just believe that it is a baby.<\/p>\n
Never was this highlighted so starkly as a few nights ago. I was convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that a baby was resting on my forearm. Karen informed me that Bernard was actually in the cot, sleeping. I sleepily argued, no he is definitely here in front of me.<\/p>\n
This went back and forth for a few iterations. Realising that we were getting nowhere, I performed further tests on the baby. Upon poking it in the forehead and feeling my finger sink into what felt like a bundle of feathers, I had to concede that the item that I was holding was, in fact, a pillow.<\/p>\n
These moments of confusion occur on an almost nightly basis. They’ve even happened to Karen once or twice. But I’m starting to get wise to them now, and I can now catch myself quite quickly. Essentially by poking the baby in the forehead if it is dark.<\/p>\n
It’s not a highly technical method, but it serves my purposes well. It is primarily suitable because the probability of the item in question being a baby, and not a pillow, is probably about 0.01. In Karen’s case, the probability of it being a baby is much higher – I believe that she has a much less invasive method of testing. Probably sniffing his arse or somesuch.<\/p>\n
**UPDATE:** The following night’s hallucination was also amusing.<\/p>\n
*Me:* What would you like me to do with this baby?<\/p>\n
*Karen:* The baby is in the cot. Put that pillow down.<\/p>\n
*Me:* Okay. What would you like me to do with this grobag?<\/p>\n
*Karen:* That’s a pillow. Lie down and go back to sleep.<\/p>\n
*Me:* Right you are.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Nobody told me about the hallucinations. Well, hallucination is probably a strong word. As a direct (and indirect) result of being in my first few weeks of fatherhood, I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night with a baby in my arms. Only, it’s not. I’m actually holding a pillow, I just believe […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-253","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pete.nu\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/253","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pete.nu\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pete.nu\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pete.nu\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pete.nu\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=253"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/pete.nu\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/253\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pete.nu\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=253"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pete.nu\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=253"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pete.nu\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=253"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}